I.Have.Moments
Ages hence, I wrote this, which I recall occasionally, and was entertained to reread (edited lightly for brevity and clarity):
Maybe I'm not as smart as I sometimes think I might be, but the other day I bought some Shirakiku's "SOFT DRINK" becuase 5 of them were only 99¢, and I thought they might be entertaining to experience. Because the package advised to "KEEP FROZEN", I found them in the freezer just now. I popped one open, and... I don't know what to do with it. The... bottle, I guess, is 3 inches tall or so, with a mouth that's no bigger than 3/4 of an inch. The stuff inside looks like a kind of steady-state applesauce that might, theoretically, squoozle out. But it doesn't move.
My agile tongue can barely reach the bottle's innards, and, unique in the universe, gravity has no effect on it. So I just stare at the little container occasionally (like a mouth-breather contemplating a revolving door), wondering what alleged characteristic(s) make(s) it either soft or drinky.
What it needs, I think, is the soft touch of a radial saw, to really open up its mysteries.