Up and Down

Day 25

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Work was busy for the first time, and I survived. I finished with two of my favorite-ever students and everyone who came before was fine or better – including one I last saw 5.5 years ago, which I only realized when I didn’t recognize him at all and rechecked the date of our prior lesson. I did a little in-Starbucks work in the early evening, before heading home in advance of the approaching rain. The night was contemplative and hard. And that carried over to this morning.

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The Astros won yesterday, during my first block of lessons, which helped the day start more brightly. And this morning they lost, which didn’t. (ALCS Games 4 and 5, respectively.)

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Whatever else I meant to note or had to say has faded next to the returning funk. I don’t have much gas today, or hope. I got out of the house to correct yet more English in Starbucks, but there’s not much to correct. My blistering pace earlier this month, has slowed to near stillness in the last few days, but not for lack of trying.

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Managed to finish season 2 of Succession, which, tho great, took more focusing effort than I would’ve liked. The things which used to be easier – escapism, in this case – no longer are.

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Slept very little two nights ago, because work on Day 25 started early. And last night (it’s midday of Day 26 as I write this) was shortened for the early start to the game this morning. Last night, sending text messages to friends, I actually just fell asleep. I woke up after about 10 minutes surprised. I stayed up because I needed to shower and take out garbage. (Actually, I think I showered….) The buildup of poor or shortened nights and long walks (altho last night’s walk was about normal) has required me to effectively survive on (milk-tea) caffeine. I’m just constantly exhausted. I need more sleep, but lying down really sucks emotionally.

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I appear to be eating a little more. I’m not exactly sure I have an appetite, but I do think about getting food, which I guess is what an appetite is. Foods don’t sound good, and I’m still not eating large amounts (not necessarily a bad thing), but I have been eating. Last night I bought a triangle sandwich at Starbucks; just now I had a root-vegetable wrap. (I forwent a drink in both cases.)

Consequently, I did still lose .1kg yesterday. Yesterday was a long day but I didn’t walk a lot, or at speed, so I’m only vaguely surprised the loss was so small. But down is better than otherwise so I’ll take it. Yet again: this is the only benefit of this experience.

My clothes are starting to hang ridiculously on me….

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It was Day 25, which saw a mental regression but began okay-enough.

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