About today

It’s Day 8.

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Last night, I slept around 7am, again. I woke up at about 11, again. And I stayed awake because of the thinking, again – but this time trying to place last night’s collapse into a framework I can understand. I didn’t stand up until about 2:30, and only because I needed to pee. I showered, and then returned to bed.

Weighing myself, I found that I dropped 7/10s of a kg, making my total weight loss something like 5 or 6kgs in the last week. Today, I barely ate anything; I’ll lose more weight tomorrow. (I forced in an eclair and I just had a scone. Perhaps that’s all I’ve eaten.)

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After leaving this Starbucks, I’ll head to the main post office to pick up a camera accessory I ordered almost exactly 1 month ago. Back when my dad was still alive, and I still had hope. It’s been downhill since then.

I’m so exhausted, from the lack of food and sleep, and from last night – primarily from last night – that I imagine I’ll sleep easily. Perhaps it won’t follow a total collapse. Perhaps tonight will be okay. But I doubt it.

終